Nicole Sowin and Emma Vernon, Greenwich High School juniors, want to stop teen dating violence.
Recently, they asked 12 new members of YNet, a school activist group, if anyone had witnessed or experienced such violence in high school.
Most hands flew up but no one said a word.
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Teen dating violence happens," Vernon tells the group, many among them apparently sombered by what they just learned. "It happens (at Greenwich High School). It happens everywhere. You may not know someone directly affected by it, but it is definitely happening around us."
Teen dating violence, she explains, is a pattern of controlling behavior that can include physical violence, emotional or psychological intimidation or sexual abuse and can happen to anyone of any age, race, religion, sexual orientation or economic level.
Sowin and Vernon head YNet with Chrissy Barnum and are known as its executive committee (ExCom for those in the know). To illustrate the prevalence of teen dating violence, the pair refers to a 2005 Liz Claiborne Foundation national study that says 1 in 3 teens report seeing a friend or peer hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by a partner. The study also says nearly 1 in 5 girls say a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.
Closer to home, the Connecticut Department of Public Health says 361 of 2,256 Connecticut teens surveyed in 2005 reported being hit, slapped or physically hurt by a partner the previous 12 months.
"And that's why we're here," continues Vernon. "We are here to let people know how much it happens, to let people know there is help and how to get it. We are here to prevent teen dating violence."
Participants of YNet - short for Youth Network - raise money and award grants to groups with similar missions, educate the public about teen dating violence, volunteer in programs that help people cope with violence and participate in social change campaigns - all components of what they call socially engaged philanthropy.
"This means working to change conditions and influence laws, policies and the way people think about teen dating violence," says Sowin. "We want to focus on justice, not just charity."
The principle of socially engaged philanthropy is borrowed from the Center For Youth Leadership, a youth activism program at Brien McMahon High School in Norwalk, developed nine years ago by Bob Kocienda, a faculty adviser. It consists of the Senators Community Foundation, a 120-member group whose mission is the prevention of child abuse, and the Peace Project, which aims to promote safe schools and communities with an emphasis on day laborers, human trafficking and teen dating violence.
Today, CFYL acts as the "mothership model" for other area schools: YNet, now in its second year; the Mayor's Youth Leadership Council at Westhill High School in Stamford, which took on safe schools and communities as its mission this year; and Stamford High School, which like YNet, adopted the prevention of teen dating violence.
"The schools have to come to us," says Kocienda, who also serves as adviser for MYLC. "We walk them through the model and how to implement the four elements." The schools are free to choose the issue they wish to address and encouraged to share information and strategy whileremaining autonomous in their efforts.
At the presentation, Sowin and Vernon describe the group's partnership with Domestic Abuse Services at the YWCA of Greenwich since 1996, when it was known as YW-Net, or Young Women's Network (more than a year ago, they took out the W to reflect male participation in the group).
What stands out is their passion, underscoring their authority while supporting the activism they attempt to inspire in the group.
Sowin and Vernon explain their motivation to correct injustice was sparked by growing awareness of the teen dating violence that affects classmates and young women their age. With awareness came indignation. What followed was an opportunity to do something about it.
"They're here, they're loud and they're proud," says Suzanne Adam, director of Domestic Abuse Services at the YWCA, a member agency of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence. To demonstrate how committed Vernon, Sowin and Barnum are, she describes the Purple Promise, a 20-hour volunteer training program given by DAS required of the YNet ExCom and available to any group member who wishes to help out at DAS.
Their commitment, adds Adam, supports their efforts to become agents for change, allowing them to take ownership of their activism. Doing it their way also lends credibility to what they do among their peers.
"It's part of what makes them special and effective," she says.
That effectiveness is the natural outgrowth of the four elements that make up socially engaged philanthropy, says Kocienda. "We want them to ask themselves: 'What do you want? What's in your heart? What's bothering you?'
Kocienda says socially engaged philanthropy inspires faith in social change but reminds group members that results take time. "It's really a learning opportunity, a chance to make a lifetime commitment to something. With that kernel, they learn how to find the resources and do social activism.
In 2006, the Peace Project released "I Love You, Baby," a comprehensive survey about teen dating violence that includes a survey of 458 Fairfield County students. It says 75 percent believe verbal abuse is a serious issue among peers who are in a relationship, 41 percent had a partner who kept constant track of them and 26 percent had been punched, kicked or slapped by a partner within the previous 12 months.
Sowin and Vernon cite these statistics to YNet's new membership. They also cover this year's activities, including tomorrow's House Party at the YWCA, a commemoration of Domestic Violence Awareness Month that blends music, comedy, dance and narrative to describe the effects of teen dating violence on teens and the larger community.
For YNet's Walk A Mile in Her Shoes this Saturday, members will recruit up to 361 male friends and relatives - the number symbolizing the statistic from CDPH - to don women's shoes and walk down Greenwich Avenue. For Drop Dead Day, yet to be scheduled, 361 activists will take to the athletic fields and drop to the ground in silence.
Sowin, Vernon and Barnum hope to hold up to four schoolwide public awareness activities like Drop Dead Day and four community-wide activities like House Party by January, which might include releasing balloons at once, moments of silence or distributing cards with statistics and hotline numbers during school events and around popular teen hangouts.
They also plan to hold fundraising dances and events during the year.
It's all part of a plan to get the word out, affect change and make a difference.
"Dating violence happens," says Vernon. "It might seem to be behind closed doors because people don't want to acknowledge it exists. But that's why we're doing this."
They are also doing it to help anyone who needs it.
"YNet needs to be out there so they know who we are," says Sowin.