At 32 years old, Vera had never been in a long-term relationship. The Winnipeg administrator was shy, rarely went on dates and had little success when she tried using a local telephone matchmaking service.
But that was five years ago, before Vera discovered online dating. Today, according to a new study by the University of Manitoba, she is part of a group of women who have found a new approach to sexuality through the Internet - one that has changed her real-world behaviour considerably.
"She went from being a shy woman who never went out on dates to a woman very confident about her sexuality and her desirability," the study says. "By experimenting with various Internet dating sites and ways of engaging with people both on and offline, Vera went from being celibate (not by choice) to a sexually active woman who was making discriminating choices about the men she dated and taking control of her romantic and sexual life."
The authors of the study, which was partly funded by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada and is called Surfing for Love: Women, the Internet, Sexual and Intimate Relationships, followed 27 women between the ages of 30 and 61 from across Canada to examine how online relationships are influencing female behaviour and attitudes.
They found that dating sites are an important social tool by which women reshape their sexual desires, identity and experiences - often well beyond their initial expectations.
"They use the Internet to find what they were looking for," said Susan Frohlick, an associate professor of anthropology at the University of Manitoba who co-authored the study. "There's a lot of savvy that goes into it."
By 2001, there were already an estimated 1.2 million users of online dating sites, but most academic studies of the phenomenon have focused mainly on the potential risks and pitfalls, she said.
Dr. Frohlick believes North America is now in a "second wave of online dating" that has seen its use move beyond a casual connector to something that is ubiquitous, but has also changed the way people approach their love lives.
"It is a way that sexuality is being shaped, I think in a pretty profound way," she said. "For this group, they aren't looking anywhere else. They've allowed the Internet to displace all other avenues for exploring relationships."
Along with co-author Paula Migliardi of Winnipeg's Sexuality Education Resource Centre, Dr. Frohlick found that for her subjects, Internet dating sites were their main avenue to flirt and be approached by men.
Vera, whose name was changed by the study's authors, discovered she was much more popular as a larger woman online than she was offline.
In five years, she said her social circle expanded from just five people to more than 50.
"The Internet was integral, as she explained, to the formation of herself as a sexually attractive and sexually active person, and to the development of a group of people she now considers her friends and social support," the study notes.
Internet dating did not change ever aspect of female behaviour. Women in the study still preferred to let men approach them and would not pay for dating services, a practice they considered uncouth. But it did make them more confident when on in-person dates, and more likely to allow their own sexual desires to take precedence.
Of course, online dating is not without problems. Deception is still a major issue, although the study found that most of the women felt they acquired skills through the use of online dating sites that helped them read people accurately.
The researchers are starting a larger, multiyear study of both men and women, which will look at the ways that intimacy is being reshaped by online dating.
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