You may have seen her handywork on Bravo's "The Millionaire Matchmaker," but don't let the Beverly Hills backdrop fool you — Patti Stanger was born and raised in New Jersey, moved to New York as a teenager and knows the NYC dating scene like "the back of my hand." Here's what we learned.
What qualities and traits are men and women really looking for?
It starts with the physical because obviously we are wired that way. Men are very visually driven and then they go under the hood of the car. Women are more auditory and like to hear what people have to say to see if there is a tone of sincerity in their voice, and judge whether the person would be a good provider, a good candidate for marriage.
What attributes or similarities make for a winning match?
[I start] with the physical, because the man has to be sexually attracted. Then I look at morals, values, spirituality, religious beliefs, five year plans … common interests, temperament and energy. A lot of times it's psychic what I do, I don't always know what I'm going to do until I meet the person. [It's a] God-given sixth sense for matchmaking that I couldn't even teach somebody. I have a feeling and I'm never really wrong — I want to be wrong sometimes, but I'm not. There are plenty of times I'm like, "That bastard doesn't deserve that girl!"
What would you tell New York women who are trying to meet their match?
People need to be happy. I tell [the women] to start exercising — not to lose weight, because I believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes — but when you're exercising, your endorphins increase and give you a feeling of common wellness. It's the happy factor, it's the hormone in your body that says, "Well, if I find a guy, OK, but if I don't, that's OK, too." What happens is you're no longer in heat, and that is magnetic to the opposite sex. Men want to know that girl.
And to the men?
I am finding out that men in America … no longer hunt and fish. They sit in the corner drinking, they look at the girl and they expect the girl to go over to them. They don't ask girls for their number or buy them drinks. If a girl's drink is un-refreshed and you like her, and within the first 15 minutes of introducing yourself you don't buy her a drink, you're a cheap loser.
What do you think of online dating?
The online experience has its positives and negatives. The positive is that now you have a choice to get out there and meet people that you never would have met before. [But] people are lying about their height, weight, age … about being married. You can get your heart broken. And, it's so "Lazy Larry." You don't have to go to the bar anymore, you don't have to put on a pair of heels anymore. You can go shopping at night online. People think they are dating when they are just talking to each other on the phone or the computer. You are not dating until you meet … in person, have chemistry and decide to go out again. That is a date, Mister. Texting is not a date, e-mailing is not a date.
What are some big mistakes people make on first dates or in the early stages of dating?
One big mistake most people make is that they have too much alcohol … and tend to baggage-dump. [It] really neutralizes the sex appeal on both sides. If I hear about another girl from a guy, I lose interest. Dating is supposed to be fun, flirty, exciting and interesting and not Debbie Downer stuff.
Internet Dating & Online Dating
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