Dora Harris, who coordinates local speed dating and lock-and-key parties for singles, has witnessed her fair share of dating successes and disasters. It has prompted her to give advice on everything from the art of conversation to things you should never tell someone on the first date - including that you live with your mom. Here are some of her tips on the dos and don'ts of dating.
Do be open-minded. Sometimes, people are demanding of others. You're not perfect, so it's rude to point out imperfections in other people.
Do listen. In speed dating, some women complain that the guys talk too much. You don't want to be talking the whole time. It doesn't give you a chance to get to know the other person.
Do learn the art of conversation. Whether or not you get a date out of it, it's just good practice to hone your social skills. Even if you're at the grocery store and someone is wearing an awesome shirt, tell him or her that. If you compliment someone, you'll notice how he or she immediately relaxes and opens up to having a conversation.
Don't ask the usual questions. Asking what someone does for a living can be a dead end. Ask something original, and it will be a more memorable conversation. Here are some icebreaker suggestions:
-- What's your favorite place you've ever visited?
-- Do you believe in ghosts?
-- If someone ever wrote a story about you, what would you be famous for?
-- Do you think the world will be better or worse 100 years from now?
Don't tell someone you live with your mom. There was a man who went to speed-dating events four or five times but never got picked. I started asking women why and found out he was telling people he lived with his mom. It's OK to talk about your personal life, but some things don't need to be told the first six minutes of meeting someone. We all have our burdens to bear. You just don't need to list all of them upfront.
Do believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. During speed dating, the most important thing that comes across is if someone seems happy. Even if a person is overweight or not perfect in appearance, being happy with yourself just relaxes you and makes you easier to be around. If I ask women why they like the same guy at speed dating, they'll say he has a sense of humor before they say something about his appearance.
Do seal the deal. If you're interested in someone, you might not get a second chance, so ask him or her out for coffee or dinner. Personally, I like to go to dinner because table manners are crucial. They have to know basic etiquette - it will tell you a lot about someone.
Don't be afraid of rejection. People tend to wonder what went wrong if they're rejected. They have to realize we're all grown-ups and so different from each other. Don't take it so personally. If it were so easy, nobody would be alone. So, dust off and try again! - Nancy Ngo
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