LEAH SHAFER GIRL TALK
Shacking up. Living in sin. Trial marriage.
The decision to live together is a huge one for a dating couple, because it brings together more than bed sheets and blenders. There's money and bills. Chores. Where to put your respective crap. And the omnipresence of that other person.
In the last 38 years, the number of opposite-sex romantic partners living together has gone from half a million to more than 5 million, says the National Marriage Project. Cohabitation is considered a normal life experience by many people in their 20s and 30s. So what's to consider before taking the plunge?
First, expectations. As we talked with people around town for some informal polling, the perception differences were noticeable: Women often view cohabitation as a big move toward marriage, but men often see it as a test of whether the couple should be going down the aisle at all.
"It's a good idea to sit down with a couples counselor to settle all that before you move in," said Jen Smith, 29, a graduate student in counseling. "That way, you have a mediator."
The shared space is also something to consider. Tiffany Rogers, 30, moved in with her now-husband after a year of dating, and felt more like a roommate than girlfriend.
"Since it was his place, I felt like I didn't really have any of me there, like I was just staying with him," she said. "But then we painted some walls together, I painted the kitchen, we had [our dog]. It felt like more of our place."
Divvying up chores is a common area of strife among live-in partners, but communication and managed expectations seem to be the key to harmony.
"We never had any 'put the toilet seat down' moments," Rogers said. "We both do an equal amount of work around here, and we love to be lazy about it together when the time is right."
But the thing that seems to lead most couples to live together is companionship, Rogers said.
"It's nice having someone to come home to ... and it doesn't mean married!"
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